the king
i think it's high time i addressed something that's been bothering me for a few months now.
The King.
Burger King has these commercials out that has some dude dressed up in a king costume and the bastards are just creepy. the point of the ads is to imply that Burger King is always on your mind. now, the concept is fine. the implementation of it is fucking scary. i mean, i'm literally scared of these commercials.
what's so fucked up about it is that The King peeks around corners or creeps up on you. the more you think about the food, the closer--actual proximity--The King gets. there are three commercials in particular that just scare the ba-Jesus out of me.
Second Runner-up:
a man is just waking up. he sluggishly walks to the window to open it and sees the The King across the street. he turns away for a second and when he looks back The King is standing right in front of his window staring in.
what makes that so fucked up is not only the sheer size of the head and how it fills the window, but this eerie, placid look on its face. it looks like a face that is completely resolved in the knowledge that it will, in fact, be eating babies for lunch and needs to remember to pick up some BBQ sauce on the way home.
First Runner-up:
a man in a suit, with his briefcase, gets into his car to head off to work. before he pulls out of the driveway, he looks in his rearview mirror and The King is sitting in the backseat of his car with that same look on his face.
this is particularly fucked because of all of the scary movies i watch. that's like the biggest fear in those movies. the unexpected arrival of someone who is too close for you to escape. sometimes when i'm on long roadtrips, i freak myself out thinking about that shit. the rearview mirror and the closed medicine cabinet mirror are two of the classic creep out tactics. they do it because it works, and you know what? congratulations, Burger King, it worked again.
come to think of it, i think they did a commercial with the bathroom mirror bit, too.
finally...
The Winner:
a man is in the woods chopping down trees. there's nothing around him until the tree falls. there standing behind the tree...a little too close for comfort...is The King.
that one freaks me out because he just pops out of no where. i mean, the dude is in the middle of the woods for crying out loud. WHERE DID HE COME FROM?
i saw one tonight that might rival the woods, though.
The Contender:
a man is working on a construction site and is bolting some steel beams. clearly, it's slow going and the work is arduous and exhausting. he stops for a second to catch his breath and wipe the sweat from his brow. all of a sudden, you hear some bolts going in very quickly on the other side of the beam and the man has a confused look on his face. he peeks around to corner to see what's going on and The King rears his ugly, plastic head again.
i think my main problem is proximity. i'm very much a "personal space" sort of girl. i'm not a fan of surprise attacks. so, i think my problem is that everytime The King shows up he's like 2 feet from the man. that's shit's not right. it's sick. he's a live action bobble head that's stalking you. i don't see how they think this is effective advertising.
i'm not a fan of Burger King in the first place, but i'm sure as shit not going to eat there now. aside from the fear of looking over to find The King in my passenger seat, i don't want to monetarily reward bad behavior.
The King.
Burger King has these commercials out that has some dude dressed up in a king costume and the bastards are just creepy. the point of the ads is to imply that Burger King is always on your mind. now, the concept is fine. the implementation of it is fucking scary. i mean, i'm literally scared of these commercials.
what's so fucked up about it is that The King peeks around corners or creeps up on you. the more you think about the food, the closer--actual proximity--The King gets. there are three commercials in particular that just scare the ba-Jesus out of me.
Second Runner-up:
a man is just waking up. he sluggishly walks to the window to open it and sees the The King across the street. he turns away for a second and when he looks back The King is standing right in front of his window staring in.
what makes that so fucked up is not only the sheer size of the head and how it fills the window, but this eerie, placid look on its face. it looks like a face that is completely resolved in the knowledge that it will, in fact, be eating babies for lunch and needs to remember to pick up some BBQ sauce on the way home.
First Runner-up:
a man in a suit, with his briefcase, gets into his car to head off to work. before he pulls out of the driveway, he looks in his rearview mirror and The King is sitting in the backseat of his car with that same look on his face.
this is particularly fucked because of all of the scary movies i watch. that's like the biggest fear in those movies. the unexpected arrival of someone who is too close for you to escape. sometimes when i'm on long roadtrips, i freak myself out thinking about that shit. the rearview mirror and the closed medicine cabinet mirror are two of the classic creep out tactics. they do it because it works, and you know what? congratulations, Burger King, it worked again.
come to think of it, i think they did a commercial with the bathroom mirror bit, too.
finally...
The Winner:
a man is in the woods chopping down trees. there's nothing around him until the tree falls. there standing behind the tree...a little too close for comfort...is The King.
that one freaks me out because he just pops out of no where. i mean, the dude is in the middle of the woods for crying out loud. WHERE DID HE COME FROM?
i saw one tonight that might rival the woods, though.
The Contender:
a man is working on a construction site and is bolting some steel beams. clearly, it's slow going and the work is arduous and exhausting. he stops for a second to catch his breath and wipe the sweat from his brow. all of a sudden, you hear some bolts going in very quickly on the other side of the beam and the man has a confused look on his face. he peeks around to corner to see what's going on and The King rears his ugly, plastic head again.
i think my main problem is proximity. i'm very much a "personal space" sort of girl. i'm not a fan of surprise attacks. so, i think my problem is that everytime The King shows up he's like 2 feet from the man. that's shit's not right. it's sick. he's a live action bobble head that's stalking you. i don't see how they think this is effective advertising.
i'm not a fan of Burger King in the first place, but i'm sure as shit not going to eat there now. aside from the fear of looking over to find The King in my passenger seat, i don't want to monetarily reward bad behavior.
posted by badassed at
12:24 AM
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