beat

there's no real point to this entry, except to keep me from having nightmares.

i just got off of a serious haul. i left my mom's house in St. Louis this morning at 6am and just got in to MA 20 min ago. i'm fucking road whipped. granted, i didn't do all of the driving. Denise did two stints of two hours to let me sleep, other than that, the rest of the 14 hours were my gig.

now, you might wonder why i'm not properly knocked the fuck out. the answer is simple: delirium. the thing is that i'm so tired and the drive is so fresh, that if i don't do something completely unrelated to traveling, i won't know --when i do get to sleep-- if i really made it here, or i'm asleep at the wheel dreaming i'm here.

fucked up, i know.

two of the scarest things have happened to me to make this a rountine. i once fell alseep at the wheel and was so relaxed i was surprised to find myself still on the road. granted that was in my earlier stages of cross country driving, but that's not something you ever forget or repeat. i've also dreamt that i was still on the road and woke up with a start afraid it was true. that is, obviously, less dangerous, but no less jarring. the problem with the latter is that when i'm on the road for 18 hours, the line between reality and dream blur surprisingly easily. your brain starts to go numb after the 4th hour in 80 east in PA. besides, it's not like i have the firmest grip on reality anyway.

so, it's because of that that i'm doing this.

i'm think i'm nice and adjusted. well, whether i am or not, i'm going to do some stretches and pass the fuck out. my eyes just can stand being open anymore.