blood

i don't think my sister likes me very much, i've decided. i mean, i know she loves me in the way that you love your family, but i don't think she likes me. we've never been each others confidante or anything, but i was sort of hoping that her pregnancy would bring us closer. i offered to photograph the progress and offered to come to VA if she wanted to do baby shower there. i don't know. i guess i assumed that being her sister and all that i'd be doing her baby shower. i thought that that's what the sister does. she said no to the pictures...which was fine, because she said she's not photogenic. i completely sympathize. i'm cute, but you'd never know it from my pics, so i respected that.

anyway, i'm talking with my mom tonight and she told me that my sister wanted to have the baby shower in STL, since most of her friends live there. i heard she might want to do that and figured it made sense, thinking her friends were throwing her party. come to find out that she's asked our sister-in-law to do it. i mean, laural and i have had our problems, but i love her just the same, so my outrage has nothing to do with her. i problem has to do with my sister. i mean, it's kind of insulting that she would ask her sister-in-law over her own sister. if it were her friend doing it, i wouldn't have a problem with it. i mean, her friends obviously know her better and, when i have a baby, my friends will be the ones to do it. however, after friends, family comes next. clearly, i rank lower than laural in zaina's book, which, quite frankly, hurts my feelings.

i thought my sister was just a little distant, but i never really took it personally, because she's like that with everyone. this...i don't know, this is different. so, i've come to the conclusion that my sister just doesn't like me. again, i know she loves me because i'm family, but i think, if she had the choice of sisters, she wouldn't choose me...and clearly didn't. i understand that i'm in MA and laural's in chicago and therefore closer to STL, but at least call me and allow me to decline, or tell me yourself. don't have me find out that i'm not going to be involved in the celebration of my own niece second hand. that's just tacky.

i'm so tired of not being wanted.