inventor extraordinaire

there's no debating that i'm weird. so, it stands to reason that i come up with some weird shit.

i want to be an inventor. the first three things i'd invent, if i could:

1: the Polaroid Head. i hate when i see something that's so funny or ridiculous or amazing that it sucks balls no one is there to witness it with you. how cool would it be if your head was a Polaroid camera? very. your eyes are the viewfinder, your lids the shutter, and your mouth the dispenser. all you have to do is blink really hard and the picture comes out of your mouth. so, the day i saw a man walking through Brooklyn in a bright, yellow, feather coat that made him look like Big Bird I would be able to share it with the world. Voila!

2: a Natural Gas-Powered car. the converter would be in the seats of the car. you power the car by your own natural gases. everyone has gas...some a regular gas factories. all i'd need in this life of sin is some Chinese food and a bag of apples. The Wok Express would be the new McDonald's. i'd see the world. Who wants to drive to Chile? Bean Pie, my brotha? man, if i had a car like that, the first day of my period i'd drive forever. shit, get Vegas in on the trip and we'd drive to the Steppes of Central Asia- via The Bering Strait- in no time at all. the best part? no smell...and excellent intestinal health.

3: a back lotioner. i hate that middle spot i can never reach.