just a kiss

i, under the influence, no less, realized something. i don't really date...at all. i date people, but i don't go out and meet people at bars or anything. so i don't have that casual interaction with men. so, when i kiss someone --these days-- it means something to me. i certainly had my, ahem, promiscuous days, but i'm well over it. i don't get involved with just anyone. well, my last boyfriend turned out to be a nightmare, but who could've known? anyway, i met this guy a while ago and have been waiting for the time to be right for us. it was for one night, but it seems as though we came at it from two different angles.

i don't know what his angle is so i'm not even going to postulate. i'd liked him and had been wanting to hang out with him since forever. i think we were on the same page there. after that, i have no idea.

so, it seems to come down to this: it was just a kiss.

granted it was a 4 hour makeout extravaganza, but it seems to have meant the same as a single kiss. it's ok, i guess. i mean, there's nothing i can do about it, so it sort of has to be ok. i think i've just been out of the dating loop for so long, that i don't know what anything means anymore. i really like this guy, but i'm not savvy enough to figure this out. i don't know what to do. obviously, i would've liked for it to have meant something to him or, i guess more to the point, for me to mean something to him.

it's silly, really, to think that a kiss can change something. how very Hollywood of me, i suppose.