and still

two days shy of five years gone and still i reel. strange how the little things creep up on you and suddenly you're transported to another time and place. where thoughts were coherent and pure. safe. once. two days shy of five years and the sutures are ripped apart by memories and information. but, we'll never really know. there is only one definite and that's forever. and it stays with you. not like an albatros, lumbering and heavy. more like a lisp. it just becomes part of who you are. not exactly bad, but certainly not good. it just is. somedays i forget. those are good days. other days i remember...sometimes too much. it's a fine line to toe and i'm no longer graceful. i've tried to tip-toe through the minefield of my mind and tonight, i've misstepped. pick them up. stack them. wrap them in cellophane. put them somewhere safe.

repression is mans last, and most wonderous, line of defense.

i go home to see you knowing you're not there. but it's tangible. it helps me remember, because i never want to forget. somedays i forget. those are bad days. i work to remember...because it's important. i walk straightforwardly through the minefield of my mind...so be it. dust. sand. blood. shrapnel. makes no difference. it is through there i get to here and here is where you are. so, this is where i want to be.

love is the most profound, and lasting, thing in the world.