ah to be a girl

sometimes i like doing girly things. sometimes i feel compelled to do the things girls do. i'm not really a high maintenance girl. i don't spend hours in front of my mirror before getting the mail. i wear...well, anyone who has seen the way i dress knows that i'm most comfortable in my pajamas, but if that won't do, then...whatever is nearest to me and doesn't stink. i like getting dolled up sometimes and wearing makeup and shit. other times i don't comb my hair for three days.

occasionally i like to play around in girly things...perfumes, jewelry, things of that nature. maybe i'm trying to find my style. maybe i'm trying to accessorize, i don't know. recently i delved into the world of waxing. really, really, really fucking stupid. what makes it particularly dumb for me is that i have extremely sensitive skin. a lot of people think i wear baby lotion because it's cute or something. cuteness is a happy biproduct. i wear it because it's the only lotion i can use consistantly that doesn't break me out. so, why the fuck, knowing how sensitive my skin is, would i play around with harsh chemicals? because i'm a moron...and because i work in a place that sucks the femininity out of me with each passing moment. not that i don't like what i do and working around boys all day...it's just that it's not conducive to jewlery and manicured nails. so, maybe i was trying to feel girly. whatever. point it that i was dicking around gave myself a chemical burn. it is so fucking painful. i bought this Nair cream and found a stray hair on my chin and decided to slather all of this shit all over the place. it tingled, certainly, but i sucked it up. big mistake. now, i...i look a mess. it's so lame.

the bad thing is that i did this one other time. i was going to nyc one weekend and some time in the week before i decided to play around with those wax strips. that shit seriously should not be sold in stores. leave that stuff to the professionals. anyway, i'd seen my friend wax between the eyebrows and the corners of the mouth. so, i decided i would, too. i'm really not the school-girl-joiner type, but i was using her as my guide. the thing is that the wax didn't really have a lot of hair to hold on to, so it adhered to my skin. by the time i was done i looked him i'd been punched in the face and had a raging case of herpes. to make matters worse i had burned the shit out of myself with a pan. this was about a year ago, when i'd only been in my apartment for about a year and i was still reveling in the joys of living alone and nudity. so, i decided to do everything naked...even cook. so, i'm baking chicken and i pull the pan out of the oven. i lean in to smell it. the pan slips in my hand and lands on my chest. so, of course, it burned me and by the time the weekend and nyc came, i had this nasty, puffy burn line across my chest. that mixed in with the breakouts from the wax that looked like herpes did not endear me to the men. i remember my friends tried to help me out and gave my necklaces to cover up the scar...nothing worked. i looked tore up from the floor up. i think i still managed to makeout with this guy, though. so, i guess my overall cuteness compensated for my lapse in judgement. it also helped that i have big boobs and wore a low cut shirt...so, then there's that.

i've officially learned my lesson with waxes and will never use them again. i can't believe i was so dense...twice! i guess the only thing that would've pissed me off during this whole ordeal is if i had done it for a boy.