talking and swimming
i've not been very talkative lately. at work, i'm relatively normal, but once i get home, i don't want to talk to anybody. i feel bad because i should call people, but i just can't pick up the phone and start that conversation. i need to call my dad. i'm less concerned with him, though. if there's one person in the whole world who knows me, it's him. plus, he's a big fan of unplugging his phone when he doesn't want to be bothered, so he can relate. i'm just sort of blah.
the fact that god hates me and has cursed me to wake up between 7-8am regardless of my work schedule doesn't help. i didn't have to be at work until 11am, but there i was, fucking awake at 7. i decided that i'd go for a morning swim. i got my swimsuit on and walked out the door and realized it was raining. i paused, then decided i didn't care. then i stopped again and debated coldness of water and a whole host of other things, but decided i still didn't care and drove out to the lake. it was so nice. i hate getting up early, but there is something so peaceful about swimming in the morning in silence. there were two ladies there and we had a good time. there's a comradery between people who do retarded things like that. it takes a certain type of person to find the joy and the pleasure in swimming in the rain. doing the backstroke while the rain hits my face was phenomenal.
so this morning was fine, but i think i've just been getting up so early and, being the night owl i've always been, staying up so late i'm just worn out. i've gone out of town every weekend of the past month or so..and i'm doing it again this weekend. the thing is that i need to get out of here. at least this kind of tired is from exhaustion from having fun. the tiredness before was from depression.
when i wake up in the morning, it takes me about an hour to really liven up. certain exceptions are when my mother calls or on road trips. those times i can wake myself right up and be fine. without external influences, it takes me about an hour to want to talk. that's how i feel now, but all of the time. i don't know. i'll probably get some sleep on thurs. i'd better do something, b/c i'm seeing my girls this weekend and i gotta wake the fuck up.
the fact that god hates me and has cursed me to wake up between 7-8am regardless of my work schedule doesn't help. i didn't have to be at work until 11am, but there i was, fucking awake at 7. i decided that i'd go for a morning swim. i got my swimsuit on and walked out the door and realized it was raining. i paused, then decided i didn't care. then i stopped again and debated coldness of water and a whole host of other things, but decided i still didn't care and drove out to the lake. it was so nice. i hate getting up early, but there is something so peaceful about swimming in the morning in silence. there were two ladies there and we had a good time. there's a comradery between people who do retarded things like that. it takes a certain type of person to find the joy and the pleasure in swimming in the rain. doing the backstroke while the rain hits my face was phenomenal.
so this morning was fine, but i think i've just been getting up so early and, being the night owl i've always been, staying up so late i'm just worn out. i've gone out of town every weekend of the past month or so..and i'm doing it again this weekend. the thing is that i need to get out of here. at least this kind of tired is from exhaustion from having fun. the tiredness before was from depression.
when i wake up in the morning, it takes me about an hour to really liven up. certain exceptions are when my mother calls or on road trips. those times i can wake myself right up and be fine. without external influences, it takes me about an hour to want to talk. that's how i feel now, but all of the time. i don't know. i'll probably get some sleep on thurs. i'd better do something, b/c i'm seeing my girls this weekend and i gotta wake the fuck up.
posted by badassed at
8:31 PM
0 Comments:
Post a Comment
<< Home