finding the man

a while ago i had a dream about Marlboro Reds and a guy that was very prominent in it. in the dream he was very significant and important to me. the thing was that i didn't really know anyone who smoked them or what it all meant.

last night, i found the man behind the Reds. i had a sneaking suspicion that he was who the dream was about and, maybe had it been a month ago, i would've been really excited about it. now...well, now it's like finding out that the Santa you keep seeing glimpses of--which only strengthens your belief in him and Christmas--is really a old, musty smelling, mall employee ducking into the bar across the street for his lunchbreak.

the allure is gone and so is the belief in magic.

it's not all bad and i'm not really all that upset about it. it sucks on the general "constant making out" front, but i was reminded today why it never would've worked in the first place and am largely ok with it. actually, i am ok with it. he made a series of major blunders too early on to overcome. you've got to lay a secure foundation before you can start fucking up all over the place.

as Andrea said, "he laid down the tiles, but forgot to grout it."

se va.

"It's nothing but time and a face that you'll lose"