lunatic
i'm a lunatic. i'd like to think it's part of my charm...who knows. so i went out tonight to a friend of mine's going away shindig at Ye Ole Watering Hole. i went with 6+ inches of snow and sleet coming down. i'm an idiot.
i did this kind of crazy driving only one other time, but it was much further away and i was...well, am...in love with the guy. so, i'd do that for him again in a heartbeat.
this guy tonight is my Aussie, Kerry. he's "or-some." the reason i went out tonight is because he's moving on Monday and he makes me laugh. i've been frequenting the Watering Hole with him for quite some time now and he's pretty much the only person who has successfully managed to get me to a point to where everytime he calls i'll come out...because he makes me laugh. what can i say? dude's a good time. anyway, it's about 15 mi. away from where i live and it took me almost an hour to get home. crazy talk.
i'm not a big believer in...many things, actually. no, that's not true. i very much believe in Karma and the notion of giving to the ether what you want in return. it's why i give Goat rides home when i wasn't even thinking about going to NoHo. because, i'd like to think that i'm putting that out into the world and, if my brother was ever in need, it would transfer to him. i adhere pretty strictly to the Golden Rule, even when i'm being an asshole to someone. obviously, i don't care how they treat me; or if it's badly, i'm not surprised.
i do believe that sometimes we are compelled to do something without knowing the reason, but it's later revealed. many times i know why. i knew, when i drove to New Haven during one of the worst storms since the early 1900's simply to celebrate his birthday, what i was doing. i knew i was doing it so he'd know that he mattered to me. of course, i didn't know we'd fight most of the night, but that's not really a surprise for us. tonight, however, i knew i wanted to hang out with Kerry, but i'm going to see him tomorrow, too. so, it wasn't just him that was driving me to venture out in this shit. the answer came as i was leaving.
i earlier bought a little shovel to leave in my car. my last one broke and it hasn't snowed a whole lot, so i never replaced it. with the weather at my door, i figured now would be a good time. i bought the last one at Wal-Mart this afternoon, as the snow started coming down. tonight, i helped dig two guys that were totally fucked out. the second guy had some people pushing, but it was packed all around his tires and their pushes were of almost no use. the guy before, though, was the reason i came out. i was leaving the bar and he was all kinds of jacked up. i tried to push his car out as he backed up, that only got him stuck more. so, i went to my car and drove back to help dig him out. it took us about 15 min. to do it, but he eventually made it.
as i was leaving, he thanked me and asked me if i wanted a couple of bucks. i asked him why. i told him to not worry about it and that we were all in this mess together. as soon as he was out, 30 ft. away the second guy was caught up. so, i handed my shovel to the guys while i parked my car. they had him out by the time i got there.
i think these are the moments that are important. it's not just about sending it up to the ether to come back to you or someone you love. although, it is comforting to know that somewhere in VT someone is helping him [sorry, i have no idea why he's on my mind so much tonight]. more than that, though, it's important to connect with people. living up here is a very lonely experience. i think the one thing i miss the most is touch. not in a sexual way, but just the sense on touch. being comfortable and close enough to someone to allow them and be allowed to touch them is everything. it's also important for me to being able to effect someone's life and shine a little light --no matter how brief-- onto them. small things make the difference.
to me, tonight was 30 minutes out of my life. to them it was being able to get home safely. it took almost nothing from me to make a huge difference to someone else.
so, maybe i'm a lunatic for even venturing out in the snowy mess, but someone's home right now because of it. that kind of crazy i'm comfortable with.
i did this kind of crazy driving only one other time, but it was much further away and i was...well, am...in love with the guy. so, i'd do that for him again in a heartbeat.
this guy tonight is my Aussie, Kerry. he's "or-some." the reason i went out tonight is because he's moving on Monday and he makes me laugh. i've been frequenting the Watering Hole with him for quite some time now and he's pretty much the only person who has successfully managed to get me to a point to where everytime he calls i'll come out...because he makes me laugh. what can i say? dude's a good time. anyway, it's about 15 mi. away from where i live and it took me almost an hour to get home. crazy talk.
i'm not a big believer in...many things, actually. no, that's not true. i very much believe in Karma and the notion of giving to the ether what you want in return. it's why i give Goat rides home when i wasn't even thinking about going to NoHo. because, i'd like to think that i'm putting that out into the world and, if my brother was ever in need, it would transfer to him. i adhere pretty strictly to the Golden Rule, even when i'm being an asshole to someone. obviously, i don't care how they treat me; or if it's badly, i'm not surprised.
i do believe that sometimes we are compelled to do something without knowing the reason, but it's later revealed. many times i know why. i knew, when i drove to New Haven during one of the worst storms since the early 1900's simply to celebrate his birthday, what i was doing. i knew i was doing it so he'd know that he mattered to me. of course, i didn't know we'd fight most of the night, but that's not really a surprise for us. tonight, however, i knew i wanted to hang out with Kerry, but i'm going to see him tomorrow, too. so, it wasn't just him that was driving me to venture out in this shit. the answer came as i was leaving.
i earlier bought a little shovel to leave in my car. my last one broke and it hasn't snowed a whole lot, so i never replaced it. with the weather at my door, i figured now would be a good time. i bought the last one at Wal-Mart this afternoon, as the snow started coming down. tonight, i helped dig two guys that were totally fucked out. the second guy had some people pushing, but it was packed all around his tires and their pushes were of almost no use. the guy before, though, was the reason i came out. i was leaving the bar and he was all kinds of jacked up. i tried to push his car out as he backed up, that only got him stuck more. so, i went to my car and drove back to help dig him out. it took us about 15 min. to do it, but he eventually made it.
as i was leaving, he thanked me and asked me if i wanted a couple of bucks. i asked him why. i told him to not worry about it and that we were all in this mess together. as soon as he was out, 30 ft. away the second guy was caught up. so, i handed my shovel to the guys while i parked my car. they had him out by the time i got there.
i think these are the moments that are important. it's not just about sending it up to the ether to come back to you or someone you love. although, it is comforting to know that somewhere in VT someone is helping him [sorry, i have no idea why he's on my mind so much tonight]. more than that, though, it's important to connect with people. living up here is a very lonely experience. i think the one thing i miss the most is touch. not in a sexual way, but just the sense on touch. being comfortable and close enough to someone to allow them and be allowed to touch them is everything. it's also important for me to being able to effect someone's life and shine a little light --no matter how brief-- onto them. small things make the difference.
to me, tonight was 30 minutes out of my life. to them it was being able to get home safely. it took almost nothing from me to make a huge difference to someone else.
so, maybe i'm a lunatic for even venturing out in the snowy mess, but someone's home right now because of it. that kind of crazy i'm comfortable with.
posted by badassed at
4:19 AM
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