it's been a long time...
...i shouldn't have left you without a dope beat to step to.
my bad.
so, my myspace page has WAY too many people of consequence on it and i think it's time i return to the wonderful anonymity of blogspot. i've got lots to say and want no one of interest to read about it. i like my privacy...which is why i post on the internet. ah, inconsistencies...one of the many features i offer.
you know what freaks me out besides the personification of food and the Burger King dude? little animated people in my computer dancing for house mortgages. what exactly does one have to do with the other? maybe they're dancing for joy. i don't know, but it's really creepy because they move a little too smoothly for my taste and it looks less like a binary code to a beat and more like a mini-chick doing the butterfly to get my attention. i don't like gnomes. well, i've never met a gnome, but i know plenty of short fucking people and they tend to have a chip on their wee little shoulders and could easily bite my knees from that height. i live in the woods where there's lots of inbreeding. i'm not even that tall, so imagine how short they are to freak me out!
the thing is that i've watched too many scary movies, have too active of an imagination, and, well, quite frankly, don't take meds and have lots of weird thoughts. so, it makes me a bit uneasy having little people in my computer who could, should i never click on their banner and therefore be on the receiving end of their ire, eat my emails or fuck with my connection. hey, you don't know! neither do i and that's the problem. i don't like them being so lifelike. it's bad enough that when you click on some websites, all of a sudden a voice comes out of the speakers i forgot were on to tell me that i've been selected to receive a free nano ipod or somethings. it tends to startle me and i can never figure out how to turn it off.
all of this shit makes me too comfortable with dead wrong things. my computer shouldn't talk to me and certainly not without my permission. couple that with a freakishly lifelike woman seemingly innocuously dancing to lower mortgage rates and you have a very bad combination for world domination. you think i'm nuts? well, few who know me would put up much of a fight, but that's neither here nor there. who's to say that one day some sadistic fuck hacks into these websites and has these dancing women start talking to you telling you to do shit that's not quite right. it could happen. we've already grown accustomed to people in our computers and our computer spontaneously talking to us. all you need is some choice words and a weak mind at 3am and you've got trouble.
i can see it now: some pale, pasty kid in a musty room reeking of Doritos and B.O. hopelessly doomed to be girlfriendless until he turns off the Warcraft, opens up a window and bathes sitting at his computer listening to Eliot Smith, when this dancing seductress comes across his screen and sounds like a porn ad.
"Hey there, mister? Wanna keep me company?" she says swaying her cyber-hips. "I'm so lonely, but not i'm not the least bit tired. I wonder what we could do together all...night...long." Slowly she bends over and drops it like it's hot to the floor. At first he doesn't think she's talking to him. Academically he knows it's not true, but he's 16 and horny and aware that it'll easily be 3 years from now before some drunk chick in college pity fucks him for doing her homework, so he's all ears.
please, two months later he's on CNN.
all i'm saying is that it ain't right.
my bad.
so, my myspace page has WAY too many people of consequence on it and i think it's time i return to the wonderful anonymity of blogspot. i've got lots to say and want no one of interest to read about it. i like my privacy...which is why i post on the internet. ah, inconsistencies...one of the many features i offer.
you know what freaks me out besides the personification of food and the Burger King dude? little animated people in my computer dancing for house mortgages. what exactly does one have to do with the other? maybe they're dancing for joy. i don't know, but it's really creepy because they move a little too smoothly for my taste and it looks less like a binary code to a beat and more like a mini-chick doing the butterfly to get my attention. i don't like gnomes. well, i've never met a gnome, but i know plenty of short fucking people and they tend to have a chip on their wee little shoulders and could easily bite my knees from that height. i live in the woods where there's lots of inbreeding. i'm not even that tall, so imagine how short they are to freak me out!
the thing is that i've watched too many scary movies, have too active of an imagination, and, well, quite frankly, don't take meds and have lots of weird thoughts. so, it makes me a bit uneasy having little people in my computer who could, should i never click on their banner and therefore be on the receiving end of their ire, eat my emails or fuck with my connection. hey, you don't know! neither do i and that's the problem. i don't like them being so lifelike. it's bad enough that when you click on some websites, all of a sudden a voice comes out of the speakers i forgot were on to tell me that i've been selected to receive a free nano ipod or somethings. it tends to startle me and i can never figure out how to turn it off.
all of this shit makes me too comfortable with dead wrong things. my computer shouldn't talk to me and certainly not without my permission. couple that with a freakishly lifelike woman seemingly innocuously dancing to lower mortgage rates and you have a very bad combination for world domination. you think i'm nuts? well, few who know me would put up much of a fight, but that's neither here nor there. who's to say that one day some sadistic fuck hacks into these websites and has these dancing women start talking to you telling you to do shit that's not quite right. it could happen. we've already grown accustomed to people in our computers and our computer spontaneously talking to us. all you need is some choice words and a weak mind at 3am and you've got trouble.
i can see it now: some pale, pasty kid in a musty room reeking of Doritos and B.O. hopelessly doomed to be girlfriendless until he turns off the Warcraft, opens up a window and bathes sitting at his computer listening to Eliot Smith, when this dancing seductress comes across his screen and sounds like a porn ad.
"Hey there, mister? Wanna keep me company?" she says swaying her cyber-hips. "I'm so lonely, but not i'm not the least bit tired. I wonder what we could do together all...night...long." Slowly she bends over and drops it like it's hot to the floor. At first he doesn't think she's talking to him. Academically he knows it's not true, but he's 16 and horny and aware that it'll easily be 3 years from now before some drunk chick in college pity fucks him for doing her homework, so he's all ears.
please, two months later he's on CNN.
all i'm saying is that it ain't right.
posted by badassed at
7:21 PM
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