i'm a horrible person

i haven't decided whether i'm wrong for this or not.

tonight i had dinner with this guy that lives upstairs. some of my friends may remember him. initially he seemed very sweet and genuine, terribly handsome and polite. well, unfortunately, all was not as it seemed. he turned out to be quite the putz. anyway, tonight i saw him when i came home from work and we were talking for a bit outside. he's a nice guy, i just won't date him. he asked me out to dinner and i said yes.

i told my brother this tonight and he said, incredulously, "why?!" well, here's where i may be a little fucked up. here are the real reasons i said yes:
1. i was hungry
2. i really wanted a greatful dead
3. i knew he'd pay
4. i don't like to cook...i'm pretty decent at it, i just get sick of it
5. i don't have any groceries...i haven't been shopping in two weeks
6. i was about to resign myself to a cereal dinner
6. i just ran out of milk this morning

i know. i know. i'm such a horrible person. i realize that a woman using her feminine ways to get things is nothing new, but i always took a certain amount of pride in not being "that type of girl." i don't accept drinks from guys at bars. i generally don't like guys to pay for me, unless they are friends, my brother or dad. i just don't do that. i don't like the idea of financially leading a guy on. now, if i'm dating a guy, of course, he pays...however, i fully intend to show him my gratitude later on that night. i'm just not a taker. so, i felt sort of bad for going out with him tonight, knowing i had no intention of dating him. i even dodged, count them, three attempts by him to kiss me. he finally did the lift-my-chin-up thing and kissed me, but it was extremely brief.

i also feel sort of wrong because our waiter was really hot.

oh, man, i'm such an asshole.

on the other hand...the grateful deads were delicious.