Sith Is An Anagram
(today's blog is a guest blog from a disappointed Star Wars fan)
The fucking problem - THE PROBLEM - is that they skimped on the force. I am told that this was because George Lucas wanted to keep the level of force use in line with the previous-later movies, but the whole fucking concept of the movie is about the force (not trade negotiations, despite what the review in The Economist would have you think), and the use of the force was the only cool bit.
I thought the four light-sabers on General Wheeze would be cool, but then Obi-Wan knocked them off like he was a character in a platform game. Which, of course, with an eye on merchandising, was probably intentional. And, while I'm fucking rolling:
Why do robots cough?
And why do they scream?
And why did the General cough in one scene and then not need air when he was out in the upper atmosphere/space?
And why is R2 filled with oil? I mean filled with oil like a $50 drum with LEDs on it.
And when did Anny and Padme decide on the names? She was pretty quick with Luke and Leia, especially not knowing that she would have twins in the first place. When did they do the "if it's a boy, if it's a girl, if it's twins?" bit?
And how could they know she was pregnant and not know she had twins? Is there no pre-natal care?
And didn't she have the kids like 3 months early? Shouldn't they have been the size of a bottle of white-out?
And if they've mastered interstellar space travel, why can't they perform a C-section, or give Padme an anti-depressant (as one of my friends said, "lost the will to live? We have drugs for that right now!")?
And how come Obi-Wan's ship goes from zero to near light speed in about 2 seconds but he doesn't become a bloody smear on the windshield?
And how could the emperor take out 3 Jedi in about 4 seconds? Is there a Jedi B-team we never knew about?
And yeah, why would you make Annakin's turn to the dark side so lame? And then make Vader sound like such a fucking poofball punk-ass piece of shit? The only way Vader would scare me now is if he came with a warrant.
There are others, of course (Why do wookie weapons look like cross bows but fire laser beams? Why didn't the trade executives catch on when the emperor said "I'm sending my new apprentice to... take care of you," in a creepy, cackling voice? Why did Mace Windu not realize that the Chancellor was a sith lord even though he acknowledged that he was "surrounded by the dark side of the force." Does that just happen sometimes? Hey Yoda, check it out, your Mr. Pibb's surrounded by the dark side of the force! Isn't that fucking weird?).
You're fired George. Clean out your desk and get out of my fucking sight.
The fucking problem - THE PROBLEM - is that they skimped on the force. I am told that this was because George Lucas wanted to keep the level of force use in line with the previous-later movies, but the whole fucking concept of the movie is about the force (not trade negotiations, despite what the review in The Economist would have you think), and the use of the force was the only cool bit.
I thought the four light-sabers on General Wheeze would be cool, but then Obi-Wan knocked them off like he was a character in a platform game. Which, of course, with an eye on merchandising, was probably intentional. And, while I'm fucking rolling:
Why do robots cough?
And why do they scream?
And why did the General cough in one scene and then not need air when he was out in the upper atmosphere/space?
And why is R2 filled with oil? I mean filled with oil like a $50 drum with LEDs on it.
And when did Anny and Padme decide on the names? She was pretty quick with Luke and Leia, especially not knowing that she would have twins in the first place. When did they do the "if it's a boy, if it's a girl, if it's twins?" bit?
And how could they know she was pregnant and not know she had twins? Is there no pre-natal care?
And didn't she have the kids like 3 months early? Shouldn't they have been the size of a bottle of white-out?
And if they've mastered interstellar space travel, why can't they perform a C-section, or give Padme an anti-depressant (as one of my friends said, "lost the will to live? We have drugs for that right now!")?
And how come Obi-Wan's ship goes from zero to near light speed in about 2 seconds but he doesn't become a bloody smear on the windshield?
And how could the emperor take out 3 Jedi in about 4 seconds? Is there a Jedi B-team we never knew about?
And yeah, why would you make Annakin's turn to the dark side so lame? And then make Vader sound like such a fucking poofball punk-ass piece of shit? The only way Vader would scare me now is if he came with a warrant.
There are others, of course (Why do wookie weapons look like cross bows but fire laser beams? Why didn't the trade executives catch on when the emperor said "I'm sending my new apprentice to... take care of you," in a creepy, cackling voice? Why did Mace Windu not realize that the Chancellor was a sith lord even though he acknowledged that he was "surrounded by the dark side of the force." Does that just happen sometimes? Hey Yoda, check it out, your Mr. Pibb's surrounded by the dark side of the force! Isn't that fucking weird?).
You're fired George. Clean out your desk and get out of my fucking sight.
posted by badassed at
4:25 PM
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