Recognize I'm A Fool And You Love Me

Saturday, December 08, 2007

spinach

now, what i'm about to tell you is going to fall directly in the category of TMI. i know that. it's nasty and no one wants to know this much about another person unless the person is either an infant or invalid. however, it's so funny and ridiculous that i had to share.

raise your hand if you knew that spinach was a natural laxative. i didn't.

about two weeks ago i came home from Thanxgiving to an empty fridge. which is fair, since i was gone for a week. i went grocery shopping and realized that i hadn't been eating a balanced diet. i had a sever lack of vegetables in my life. so, i tried to remedy that. the two vegetables i love the most are broccoli and spinach. i'd had a good amount of broccoli before, so i figured it was time to give spinach a chance. i bought lots of it with the intention of making a lot of food in one night to last the week.

i got home and proceeded to make a spinach quiche for breakfast and spinach and sausage stuffed shells. everything was going well for the first few days, but then my stomach was getting jacked up and i started to think that i'd made something wrong. that, clearly, didn't stop me. i was like fucking Popeye jacking up that spinach. recently, in an effort to continue my culinary expansion, i've been making Indian food. i bought lamb and wanted to try my hand at Saag.

what is Saag, you ask? a spinach sauce.


i had some tonight and was on the phone with Andrea. i was telling her how much spinach i'd been eating. she said, "girl, you know spinach is a natural laxative, don't you?" i laughed and told her i didn't, though it explained my recent bathroom activities. she just busted out laughing. she laughed even harder when i recounted all the dishes (every major one) i'd made consisting primarily of spinach. she kept cracking up saying, " i can't believe you didn't know that."

i sure as fuck know it now.

i don't know what i'm going to do. i don't think there is anything i can do, but wait it out and stay hydrated. at the rate i'm going, it won't be long, now. although, i'm seriously thinking about getting one of those padded toilet seats. while i'm thinking about that, i'm going to be packing up the food and taking it into work.

my body is not my friend right now. and here i thought i was being responsible and eating my leafy greens. i think i'm going to have to pick up some Pedialite or something to replenish my electrolytes. i'm going to end up dying of dehydration.

death by spinach. that's a dork's death if i ever heard of one.

Thursday, December 06, 2007

why?


seriously, what the fuck is this? if you're going to appropriate a culture, don't: a) do it poorly and b) choose the most chickenheaded aspect of it. consult. for chrissake consult.