twist of fate

i was going to call out sick tomorrow to stay at home and relax. i've been in NYC more than i've been home in the last two weeks and i just want to be still and chill out. also, i ate a chicken parmesan sandwich that made want to throw up today. so, i figured i'd kick back, watch a few movies, and sleep.

in an ironic, and unfortunate, twist of fate, i am now--in fact--sick. i was watching a movie after work and laying in bed. i took a little nap and woke up to a sore throat and headache. excellent. i guess i called a cold up or something. so, now it seems as though the call tomorrow will be legitimate. consequently, i'm now in a mad rush to mend, because i don't want to feel like shit all day.

calling out is not nearly as much fun when you're actually sick.

balls.

don't call it a comeback...

...they've been here for years.

rage against the machine

perhaps what we need is not an internal, political shakedown. we need external, international shaming.

can't complain

i've been complaining that it hasn't snowed up here and it's late November. i want to start snowshoeing, which is remarkably difficult without snow. i'm really anxious and so it's been frustrating have most of the days last week be in the 50's and 60's. i enjoyed the warm weather, don't get me wrong, but i really like winter and the snow and have grown impatient that there's been no real sign of it getting any colder anytime soon.

today, i'm driving down to NYC to spend Thanxgiving with Atief and Laural. i wake up and look out the window and guess what i see. lots and lots of snow. my car is completely covered. i started to get annoyed that i had to drive 3 hours in this until i realized how hypocritical i was being. for weeks i've been waiting for it to snow and now that it has, i'm pissed that it's not on a day i wanted. i quickly checked myself.

so, i'm off to shovel my car out, scrape the windows, and head out to NYC. the cool thing is that i get to wear my new coat and gloves. now i'm really excited about buying my snow shoes next week. i can't wait to take long walks in the snow, breathing the crisp, cold air and, maybe, taking pictures. it's going to be a fun winter.

the king

i think it's high time i addressed something that's been bothering me for a few months now.

The King.

Burger King has these commercials out that has some dude dressed up in a king costume and the bastards are just creepy. the point of the ads is to imply that Burger King is always on your mind. now, the concept is fine. the implementation of it is fucking scary. i mean, i'm literally scared of these commercials.

what's so fucked up about it is that The King peeks around corners or creeps up on you. the more you think about the food, the closer--actual proximity--The King gets. there are three commercials in particular that just scare the ba-Jesus out of me.

Second Runner-up:
a man is just waking up. he sluggishly walks to the window to open it and sees the The King across the street. he turns away for a second and when he looks back The King is standing right in front of his window staring in.

what makes that so fucked up is not only the sheer size of the head and how it fills the window, but this eerie, placid look on its face. it looks like a face that is completely resolved in the knowledge that it will, in fact, be eating babies for lunch and needs to remember to pick up some BBQ sauce on the way home.

First Runner-up:
a man in a suit, with his briefcase, gets into his car to head off to work. before he pulls out of the driveway, he looks in his rearview mirror and The King is sitting in the backseat of his car with that same look on his face.

this is particularly fucked because of all of the scary movies i watch. that's like the biggest fear in those movies. the unexpected arrival of someone who is too close for you to escape. sometimes when i'm on long roadtrips, i freak myself out thinking about that shit. the rearview mirror and the closed medicine cabinet mirror are two of the classic creep out tactics. they do it because it works, and you know what? congratulations, Burger King, it worked again.

come to think of it, i think they did a commercial with the bathroom mirror bit, too.

finally...

The Winner:
a man is in the woods chopping down trees. there's nothing around him until the tree falls. there standing behind the tree...a little too close for comfort...is The King.

that one freaks me out because he just pops out of no where. i mean, the dude is in the middle of the woods for crying out loud. WHERE DID HE COME FROM?

i saw one tonight that might rival the woods, though.

The Contender:
a man is working on a construction site and is bolting some steel beams. clearly, it's slow going and the work is arduous and exhausting. he stops for a second to catch his breath and wipe the sweat from his brow. all of a sudden, you hear some bolts going in very quickly on the other side of the beam and the man has a confused look on his face. he peeks around to corner to see what's going on and The King rears his ugly, plastic head again.

i think my main problem is proximity. i'm very much a "personal space" sort of girl. i'm not a fan of surprise attacks. so, i think my problem is that everytime The King shows up he's like 2 feet from the man. that's shit's not right. it's sick. he's a live action bobble head that's stalking you. i don't see how they think this is effective advertising.

i'm not a fan of Burger King in the first place, but i'm sure as shit not going to eat there now. aside from the fear of looking over to find The King in my passenger seat, i don't want to monetarily reward bad behavior.

D'oh!
words to live by: never trust a man with a salvage yard.

one room apartment

i know there's only one 1-room apartment in Chumpville and it's occupied. knowing this, i now have to face some hard truths and painful conclusions.

welcome to the Suck.

rolling out of bed

last night i actually fell out of bed. now, i'm a not a wild sleeper, although i have been known to wake up upside down or halfway hanging off of the bed, but that was back in jr. high. admittedly, when i got my new bed last year, there were definitely nights where i had to...uh, learn the boundaries of my bed with almost disastrous results, but i've never actually plunged from great heights.

last night, i was my brother's futon, and the way it pulls out is that the back folds down, but there's no centering shift made. so the whole thing is a bit off center. at any given moment, you could lean a bit to the front of the futon and the whole back comes up and tips over. i think it's also important to point out that i had a very slippery cover. it's one of those comforters that is more for show than function, but it was the only thing i could find.

so, there i am at 3am this morning and i found myself on the floor. the funny thing is that since the futon merely tips, there's no abrupt motion. so, i leaned a bit too far forward and the futon gently lowered me to the floor and i just rolled right off. i woke up for a second, vaguely realizing what just happened, laughed to myself, crawled back up and went back to sleep. the suck part is that for the rest of the night, i kept waking up with a start thinking i'd moved too far over again.

i just think it's funny that i actually rolled out of bed. who does that? apparently, i do.

if only it was part of a large Pee Wee's Playhouse style morning regimen. the alarm would go off and the futon would tip and roll me out of bed onto a conveyer belt that would run me past my sock machine that puts my socks on and then on to my shoe machine. once my socks and shoes were on, the belt would have a spring in it that would stand me up in front of my bathroom mirror, where four arms would come out and simultaneously brush my hair, curl it, brush my teeth, and wash my face.

that would be really cool.

vincent

to quiet the demons in his mind, he has to play the instrument of angels.

enough about Tina

seriously, enough with the songs referencing Ike and Tina. there are, at least, two songs out now that talk about "fighting like Ike and Tina." Ike and Tina didn't "fight." Ike beat the dog shit out of Tina, on top of mentally and emotionally abusing her. i mean, she got a few licks in, but they weren't "lovers' quarrels" or "spats." he was beating her up and bustin' up her lips and face. it was not a good look and took her a long time to overcome. so, let's respect the struggle and, really, stop it.

on a lighter, yet related topic, damn Shrek. i'm listening to some Tina and all the while she's crying out for a hero, all i see in my mind's eye is the fucking Fairy Godmother. damn Shrek 2 for being so damn funny and using such a good song. now it's ruined.

i still love you Tina. i'll even forgive your rendition of John Waite's Missing You, because you're a bad mothafucker and i respect you...and you gave me the gift of Private Dancer...but i don't have to keep it on my hard drive.

gipped

i don't appreciate being scammed. i feel duped. i feel used. i feel a little dirty. i feel bamboozled.

tonight was supposed to be an extended episode of Lost and they were going to explain what happened to the other people on the plane and why Michelle Rodriguez's character is such a bitch. So, I'm on the phone with Andrea and we're all excited and postulating what they're going to reveal to us tonight. Well, apparently all they were willing to show is that they're a bunch a manipulative bastards. Oh, it was extended...by a whole 3 FUCKING MINUTES. seriously, what the fuck is that? what good did that do me? none. oh, it pissed me off, but it didn't do me any damn good. the really irritating thing is that, since i thought it was going to be on for an hour and a half, i knew i didn't want to miss the last half hour. so i was running back and forth from the kitchen to the livingroom trying to make dinner and watch the show at the same time. i would have Andrea tell me when it was on again and i'd run back into the livingroom-- with sticky ricey fingers--to watch the next part. if i'd known it'd only be on for an hour and 3 minutes, i would've just fucking waited. bastards.

i hate when people play semantics and technicalities. sure, technically, it was extended, but it was so misleading. the real suck part is that i'm going to be there next week to watch it. i love it too much to go on a personal boycott. i need to know.

damn them!

Travelocity

i'm looking up my trip to Nepal with my dad in the spring. i'm trying to find the best prices/ when to go/ shit like that. they have this feature where, if you have a flexible schedule, they'll post a really low fare, which airlines offer it, and the dates when it's available. so, i have a faretracker tracking cheap tickets out of both St. Louis and LA to Kathmandu. right now the price out of LA is around $1100. Sweet! so i go to China Airlines' calendar and click on Mar. 10th. the next thing i see is:

"No Service Available
China Airlines does not provide service between Los Angeles, CA and Kathmandu, Nepal on the selected date. Please select from the following options:...."

what the fuck is that? here's an obvious question: if China Airlines does not provide service between LA to Kathmandu on that date, why the fuck would you highlight the date as participating in the fare?

so, i've spent the better part of an hour, basically, guessing and checking. it's getting really old, really fast. i always plan my dad and my trips, but this one may be a bit beyond me. i haven't even gotten the tickets. Heaven help me when i have to book a hotel room, charter a flight to Tibet, schedule a jungle safari, AND a hotair balloon ride all from a country that rarely lists phone numbers and emails get bounced back to me. luckily, my dad and i love nothing if not an adventure. and really, how much can i complain that i'm planning all of this cool shit, in another country, is not going as smoothly as i'd like? even if the plans go to shit, we're still seeing the world.

i just think of this a field training for Mongolia.

keytar

i'm on the phone with Andrea and she's watching the Killers on Austin City Limits. she's watching them and i'm listening to her watch them which is only mildly irritating. i have no idea why there's a lag, but i'll be able to watch it, literally, right after her. PBS needs to get their timing shit together.

apparently, the set is The Killers and Spoon...and i love them both...i love Spoon with the burning passion of 14yr old boy at the local pool in Aug. the only thing not making this musical tease insufferable is her serenading me on the phone. Andrea NEVER sings. even in her softened old age, there are some things she flat out refuses. however, she loves Brandon like said 14yr old boy and therefore...she sings.

as she's singing, she said, "do know what i love about this band? they brought the keyboard back." the funny thing is that i just thought the same thing about Spoon last night when i saw them in concert. i thought, "how cool would they be if the keyboardist stood up and strapped on his keytar and just rocked out with the lead singer?" that would be so fucking hot. he's pounding away at the keys while writhing around on the floor. you have to be on a whole other level of cool to even think about bringing back the keytar.

that, my friend, is balls.

baking humor

i think i found this funny because i've been baking a lot, plus "Flandemic" just makes me laugh. i know, i'm a dork--and bored.

one explaination

well, that would explain a few things.

excellent

i fully admit that i'm a bit behind the times with a lot of technology, so this recent "discovery" of mine will probably be tantamount to figuring out that the"flash" button is how you answer call waiting. but i'm proud of me, so fuck off. i realized last night that i can program my alarm clock radio to turn off after awhile. i like falling asleep to classical music, but i don't have a stereo. having a stereo is a bit redundant for me. i don't listen to tapes and i have a computer, two dvd players that play music, and a discman. i tried to listen to it on my computer, but the hum of the machine kept me up. also, i figured just having two dvd players and living alone was excessive enough.

luckily, the station i listen to NPR in the morning on plays classical music at night. PERFECT...except that classical music puts me to sleep and i fall asleep before i can turn the radio off. consequently, i either wake up at 5am when NPR starts--thus the music stops and people start talking-- or i wake up late because the alarm never goes off. last night, i was listening to classical music and wondered what the "nap" button was. guess what. it turns your radio off at the end of the preset time. much like the "sleep" function on the tv. good shit.

maybe this is what i need. i always have trouble sleeping. sometimes it's just my insomnia and i'm just up for no reason, or, like a toddler, i fight it for no reason. what i've been using lately to sleep was Vegas. everytime i'm really tired, but resistant, i hear him in my head. i'll claim that i'm not sleepy and he'll just look at me say, "yes you are." i'll protest, turn off the lights, grumble a bit, and proceed to pass the fuck out. now, i can use an actual historical sleep trigger.

finding the man

a while ago i had a dream about Marlboro Reds and a guy that was very prominent in it. in the dream he was very significant and important to me. the thing was that i didn't really know anyone who smoked them or what it all meant.

last night, i found the man behind the Reds. i had a sneaking suspicion that he was who the dream was about and, maybe had it been a month ago, i would've been really excited about it. now...well, now it's like finding out that the Santa you keep seeing glimpses of--which only strengthens your belief in him and Christmas--is really a old, musty smelling, mall employee ducking into the bar across the street for his lunchbreak.

the allure is gone and so is the belief in magic.

it's not all bad and i'm not really all that upset about it. it sucks on the general "constant making out" front, but i was reminded today why it never would've worked in the first place and am largely ok with it. actually, i am ok with it. he made a series of major blunders too early on to overcome. you've got to lay a secure foundation before you can start fucking up all over the place.

as Andrea said, "he laid down the tiles, but forgot to grout it."

se va.

"It's nothing but time and a face that you'll lose"

searching

oh, the insufferable irony of looking for your glasses.

Jell-O...delicious and nutritious

Andrea and i were talking tonight and she was saying how she hates Jell-O. i think it stems from all of the time she spends in the hospital and in surgery. i mean, two major surgeries in less than two years can turn anyone off to anything even remotely related to a hospital.

so, she's looking for something to eat for dinner and comes across some boxes of Jell-O and is about the throw them out. before she does, she notices that on the side of the box that there are tips for spicing up your Jell-O. it says, "To add fruit or vegetables..." Vegetables? who the hell eats Jell-O with vegetables? the worst part is not the use of vegetables, but the specification for preparing it with canned vegetables. that's some nasty shit. ummm, a can of creamed corn and peach Jell-O.

we're laughing about it and decided to come up with our own combinations on those hot summer days when you just want to cool down...and, apparently, vomit.

lime broccoli
wild strawberry spinach
passion fruit okra
watermelon leek
mixed fruit vegetable medley
island pineapple eggplant
cranberry mushroom
peach green peppers
raspberry lentils
green apple water chestnuts
lemon cauliflower
grape zucchini
raspberry-cranberry cabbage
orange radish
strawberry kiwi celery
apricot onion
red beans cherry
berry blue rutabaga
black cherry brussels sprouts
strawberry banana garbanzo beans
strawberry bok choy

ah, who could resist?

compromise

so, i'm on the phone with Andrea and we're talking about her crush. o.k. wait, let me start over...

...some wicked shit can enter this fucked up brain of mine. keeping it in check is a delicate and painstaking process. it takes a considerable amount of self-control to not be a complete and utter asshole. now. it tends to be easier with people i respect. living here poses a whole new challenge. i lack respect for almost everyone i've met in this place and it tends to accidentally seep out into my real life. and by real life, i mean, people i genuinely care for and enjoy the company of (oh, shut up Andrea) . now then, because i let the waves of disrespect --and hilarity-- wash over all i meet here, it gets increasingly difficult to hold my tongue. i firmly believe that i wouldn't be nearly as bad if people didn't let that shit slide... but they do and it's funny.

when i go home, i don't even think about trying half the shit i routinely do here. (oh, shut up Andrea)

so there are a number of times when i'm about to say something i shouldn't and have to, literally, cover my mouth to keep it from coming out. this tends to be misconstrued as a tease. i'm not fishing for you to extract it from me, i seriously shouldn't fucking say it. however, people are nosy and curious and try to force it out of me. i like to get on verbal rolls and if i start, you'd be hard pressed to stop me before our friendship is in jeopardy. so, i've coined a phrase that i will forever use in such situations:

:it will compromise the integrity of the structure of the floodgates if i say it.

seriously, give me an inch and i'll take your soul (oh shut up Andrea)

all of that being said, i was on the phone with Andrea talking about her crush and i was about to say some mean shit and, as ornery as i can get with her, it's always in jest. i'm not a mean person...except to a lot of people up here and i need to get that shit in check. normally, i don't care, but the shit is starting to seep into my real life and that's not a good look.

on the plus side, the real beauty in the friends that i have is that they keep me in check. (oh shut up Andrea).