2 steps forward, 3 steps back with a sundae!

Jillian Michaels had her way with me today.

Not in a sexy, lesbian way, but in a choking-on-my-heart way. My friend and i took 2 days off this week. Thurs was because she was busy and Fri was because we were lazy. Instead of working out, we opted for chatting while watching Independence Day in our workout clothes, which promptly got abandoned for a Friendly's sundae run. This morning we were 0.2% excited to shred, but shred we did. I sweated and hurt, with equal intensity, like i'd never done this DVD before. it was horrible. i almost want to do it now just to prove to myself that i'm better than that, but i'm, fundamentally, a lazy person and the idea of cramming my boobs back into that sports bra is fantastically unappealing. so, i'll just rest on my laurels of three days ago, when i rocked the fucking house.

Monday i felt a pain in my chest. it was above my left breast and really achy. i rubbed it wondering if i was having a mild heart attack. then, i remembered my heart is significantly lower, heart attacks generally start in the arms, i am 33, not morbidly obese, and there was a greater chance that it was merely the first time my pectoral muscles have ever been asked to do anything more than go anatomically unnoticed under my fleshy, ample bosoms.

damn you Jillian and all of your planks!

for all of you worried about my health, the ache never returned.

for all you men, the ample bosoms remain.

Jillian and the light switch

i've been doing Jillian Micheal's "30 Day Shred" DVD with a friend for about 1.5 months. i dread every second of it, even thought it's getting easier. she does a shit ton of planks and you wanna know what the last thing a chubby girl wants to do? hold up all of her mass on her feeble, grossly under-worked arms. even still, i do it. we shred. it's actually pretty awesome. the best thing that's come out of it, aside from the realization this morning that the only place i've lost weight is in my knees...the least fleshy part of my body, which is not a great accomplishment, just funny because it's so random. no, the best thing out of this experience is the ability to slowly turn off the wall switch with my foot, while fully loaded down with dishes.

two things are significant about this:

1) i'm insanely clumsy as if evident by the number of single dishes that were once sets in my cabinets and the stains on my clothes. i once spilled coffee on myself a work so comprehensively that i had to go down to Old Navy and buy a whole new outfit.

2) it also means my core is getting stronger and making me steadier which will, in the long run, make weight loss easier because i can move my flabby body better.

hey, Rome wasn't built in a day.

new me...well, new blog direction, anyway...

i haven't written anything in a long time and, honestly, it's because i'm busy and have become incredibly private/paranoid about what i put out in the ether. so, i don't really have any interest in talking about me and my personal life so much as random experiences.

i attribute this shift to two things:1 ) my boyfriend who is, actually, incredibly private and sorta paranoid. mostly because he's technologically retarded and doesn't understand privacy settings, but, in all fairness, has a point. plus, i respect his right to not blab about our relationship to anyone with ears...or eyes, for that matter, and 2) the fallout with my best friend over said boyfriend. the details are not important, but the virtue of keeping things to oneself has become incredibly relevant and vital to my own sanity. the state of our friendship has revived the super secretive side of me that i haven't employed for years and was once only used to avoid scandal. my actions this time were not scandalous and the situation was not really about him and would've happened for one reason or another, but the aftermath of it all was a general clamming up on my part. better safe than scarred, i say.

they say that girls look for their dad's --for better or for worse-- in men and i have, clearly, latched on to the paranoid, hilarious, and crazy part of my dad. constantly prefacing quirky stories with, "my beautiful, crazy man," he is incredibly sensitive about his private life and pretty sure the FBI is tracking him...just like dad. dad not so much the FBI, but "Big Brother" in the abstract. both have fair points, because technology is this quasi-amorphic bit of magic that we don't have much control over, unless you play World of Warcraft or went to MIT.

this being supported by the fact that mere moments ago a voice projected out of my computer speakers, briefly and loudly, in a foreign language. now, where i live i'm no stranger to non-English speakers, but i am a bit disconcerted by the ability to hear this guy through a speaker that is only connected to my computer. it felt very "Frequency" to me. i have no interest in speaking to the dead, even if they're related.

all of this prefacing was leading up to something and now i can't remember what it is. i don't want to "Draft" this because it'll just join the ranks of 17 other drafts i've composed in the last year. so, i'll end, but not before i say two things: 1) look for more anecdotal nonsense to come your way, because i have been ripe with silliness my whole life and i've been letting that freak flag fly lately and 2) i actively had to stop myself from posting a pithy, yet hilarious, comment on a friend's Facebook status forced to recognize that, while i have great affection for him, he has grown way too humorless for the likes of a frivolous me. he also went from being a prosecuting attorney in TX to a preacher so...no surprise, i suppose.

the comment was pretty funny, though.