Recognize I'm A Fool And You Love Me

Wednesday, May 04, 2011

Bin Laden

This is what I have to say about the death of Bin Laden:

September 13th, 2001, my dad and i started on a trip to NYC. the trip was planned well before 9/11 and the plan was to visit our family friend in DC and then go visit my brother in NYC. we had no way of knowing what was in store. as we traveled across the country we saw a multitude of American flags being hung on overpasses and message of love and loss, frustration and mourning. Our friend lived in Alexandria and we passed by the Pentagon to get to her. i saw the collapsed side of the building, reduced to smoldering rubble. i took pictures. my dad, at the time, admonished me for it, until we got to NYC. i think he thought it was macabre and disrespectful to the gravity of the situation. i saw it as first hand account of history and a major event that needed documentation. part of it was macabre, but most of it was historical documentation.

he understood and followed suit when we got to NYC. few things make me instantly scared and sad as remembering crossing the George Washington bridge with the New Jersey Fire Dept. trucks and looking at lower Manhattan on fire. when we got to Times Square the full impact of the devastation was not in the amount of smoke, which was plenty, or in the places we couldn't go or the looks on people's faces. what struck both my dad and me the most were the posters of missing people that Kinkos, or some local xerox company, had done for free for the people looking for their loved ones. walls covered in faces with phone numbers on the bottom pleading for any information, any shred of hope, that their loved ones were still alive. as we walked along the streets and saw these posters plastered on bus stops and empty walls, we began to realize the extent.

it's one thing to talk about the Twin Towers falling, but to remember that it was filled with people is another. people jumping from the 40th floor on live TV. people's whose faces now plastered all over New York City. seeing that, and knowing that everyone you saw there was dead causes me not to shed a tear for Bin Laden.

i live in a very liberal, insulated area and have heard many people say, "i know, but it's still the loss of a life, and that's sad." i suppose that's fair. however, that life lived 10 more years, taunted the world for 10 more years than his victims and, when killed, was given a respectful burial complete with traditional Muslim preparation of the body. that's more than he gave his victims. i think it was noble of us to have done that. i think that is was politically savvy to have done that. i think it was humane to have done that. i think it exemplified the best in us to have done that. we didn't have to, but we knew we had to. if for no other reason, to prove to ourselves and the world that, although this person had orchestrated horrible tragedies upon us and our collective psyche, we will not stoop to his level and will treat him with the respect one person should show another.

a friend of mine, who's a genuinely good dude, keeps posting about his disgust with the American nationalism going on. he scoffs at people chanting "U.S.A.," he judges and admonishes at will. i think that's a position of privilege and lacks perspective. to scream about how much you hate America, as an American, is repulsive. the very fact that you CAN rail against your government and not find yourself in an unmarked grave is a testament to the greatness of our country. his ability to criticize is the very first right we have...as Americans. i'm not saying you agree with everything or are not critical of our government, it has done some profoundly fucked up things. however, it's not all bad and there should be some acknowledgment of that.

however, i digress. this friend of mine belittling people and even going so far as to call it "disgusting" when people who are celebrating being American is incredibly insensitive and, like i said before, lacks perspective. the college kids chanting were mostly 9 yrs old when it happened and have lived the greater part of their sentient life with a nervous, high alert, country. i can easily remember sitting with my mom before her flight left for Hajj. or being met the gate by my brother. these kids have never known that. all they've known is how unsafe we are and if they want to celebrate the death of public enemy #1, let them.

until 9/11, we, as a nation, never really experienced fear. there was Pearl Harbor, but that was in Hawaii, not on the continental United States, so it was still distant. we've always had an aura of invincibility. that was completely gone Sept. 11, 2001. so, if people want to celebrate a normal, cathartic, cry of relief at the death of Bin Laden, give them that. if people want to feel proud to be apart of a country that brought him down, give them that. if people want to express solidarity and happiness as a country, give them that.

on a personal level: until you have to frantically figure out the geography of NYC so you can sort out the distance of your brother to complete destruction while having every attempt to call him met with a busy signal, shut the fuck up. until you ride in with firemen to a burning NYC who may not make it home that night, shut the fuck up. when you stare the faces of thousands of posters, with phone numbers that will never be contacted with good news and fully comprehend the scope of this horror, shut the fuck up.

if ever there was a time to not judge, to not admonish, and to let people heal however they seem fit, it's now.

Sunday, May 01, 2011

passwords and tepid water

it took me two days to get into this silly account. i had to reset my password to the password it already was. anyway, it's over. the crap thing is that i have a shoddy memory and had some pretty hilarious gems to post and, of course, i can't remember. that would lead most people, including myself, to think that maybe they weren't that important...and that's fair. however, i ask, how important are most things on blogs? exactly, so it was valid.

i slept most of the day away yesterday. i became a narcoleptic chocoholic. it was embarrassing. my sole attempt at doing anything significantly productive was to clean out the refrigerator. i started the process, tossed a bag of moldy lettuce, went into the bedroom and the next thing i know it's 2 hours later. i fell fast sleep with the refrigerator door wide open. not ajar, but open like a teenager in search of a midday snack. it's was bizarre.

my friend came over and we worked out again to the Badger...who still doesn't give a shit...and got sweaty and gross and glorious all at the same time. i'm a marvel of science and nature. anyway, just before this i noticed the water wasn't getting hot in the bathroom, but who spends 5 min. washing their hands? i figured i hadn't waited long enough for the heat to really kick in. no big...but it bothered me. i kept checking back and soon realized that there was no hot water in the house. my only day off this week that i'd successfully napped away, do you think i took a shower at any point after yesterday morning? if you said yes, because i'm a lady, you'd be correct about the lady part.

now i'm stuck. i've just worked out and have a day and half day's worth of grime on me, on top of sweaty boobs and a increasingly gross feeling on my neck. i *really* wanted a shower, but it was 11pm and have i mentioned my laziness? so i went to bed. yes, those sheets will be washed tomorrow.

i woke up early this morning because i knew i had one of two choices. i could either go to the gym i haven't been to in 6 months and shower there or i could take it back to Ukraine, circa 1998, boil lots of water and hope for the best. i reject the gym so magnificently comprehensively that instead of driving 10 minutes to shower in relative comfort, i opted for a tepid bath. so, 6 pots -of various sizes-- of water later i had my bath. i stored the boiling water in my slow cooker to stay warm. it was not pleasant, but not horrible. i did start out lathering like a chronic OCD patient, but then accepted the fact that between the bubbles and the gleaming white bubbles on my skin, i was clean. midway through i had to refill the slow cooker and running through the house dripping and sudsy was not a favorite moment in my young life. after the wash, complete with wetting my hair so i was submerged in this nonsense, i put the slow cooker filled with hot water into the draining tub, added cold water, and created a mini shower with my loofah sponge. that was nice.

oh the things we take for granted. so, i'm clean now and should be getting a new hot water heater later on today. hopefully i won't have to do this again tomorrow, because i have to work at 9 and have zero interest getting up at 6:30am to do this all over again.

however, i repeat, i'm clean...so it's not all bad.