fun facts of my family: part 1

fun facts i've discovered today..actually about 3 minutes ago:


i have an uncle Junebug...well, maybe a great uncle. i'm not sure.

my granddad used to ride motorcycles. he was part of the D.C. Throttle Twisters...jackets and all.

my grandad thinks my name is Angel...the man is 70, though.

my granddad just flew in and he's recounting tales from D.C. i think the best move my mom ever made was to get out of there...even if it was at the price of knowing most of my family.

oh, and my grandmother isn't coming. she's prone to hysterics and, well, general ridiculous behavior. i think she was a little offended that she was going to be put up in a hotel. what can i say, she's a difficult woman to be around. she had a few other lame excuses, but, i think, ultimately she wanted people to plead with her to come. sorry, grandma, that's like reminding Tomas de Torquemada the optimum oil temperature is 572 degrees fahrenheit while taking your shoes off.

exhaustion

i just got in today for my brothers' wedding. i was supposed to leave at 3:45pm, but my flight was delayed for an hour. that really sucked b/c i could've done a little more cleaning in my apartment and wouldn't have had to drive 80mph in the driving rain...but, them's the breaks.

i don't think i've been more tired in the last three years than i am right now. the last three days i've been pulling these retardedly long shifts at work and then getting to bed, essentially, 4 hours before i had to be back at work. sun. night i worked from 9-9 and went to bed at 3:30am, only to have to be at work by 8am. then i worked my full shift, went to bed at 1am (which is rather normal), woke up at 7:30am, worked until 8pm, went to bed around 3:45am, to then be back to work at 8am. i am fucking tired.

i'm on the plane and i'm in my seat. i fell asleep before we even left the ground. in fact, i don't remember lift off at all. so, the last thing i see out of my window is the airport. an hour later, i woke up and sort of freaked out. you have to remember that i'm shit tired and a little disorientated. so, i wake up and see clouds and little specs of the earth. for a split second i forgot that i was on a plane. i didn't know where i was and started to freak out. that lasted a couple of seconds before i had a sip of some ginger ale and passed back out.

even as exhausted and slightly disorientated as i am, i love being home. when i left it was raining like crazy and was cold, but with a warm damp air. it's the kind of wet that makes your bones moist. i fly into st. louis and it's 65 degrees and partly cloudy as the sun is setting. gorgeous...and it's supposed to continue. i feel so much better being home. i felt so good i gave my uncle's fairly hairy back a massage and didn't mind when his pain landed me massaging his ass. that is contentment.

i'm looking forward to taking pictures of the wedding and then going to columbia to hang out with andrea. i haven't been able to chill with her for a very long time. i'm playing tennis with my dad and want to go see Ann. she may very well be the sweetest woman i know. that's what makes shawn so bitter sweet. so close. so, i want to see her and spend a little time with her.

i'm in for a week and a half of rest, reaxation and overall personal calm. i can dig that.

clownable offense

last night a friend and i were on the phone and with the course of the conversation we both managed to commit a major slang violation.

hers: "drama for ya mama"

mine: "straighty eighty"

yea. we're not too proud of this.

boredom reigns supreme

yea, just what i said.

i was talking to a friend of mine today and was amazed at how bored i was. i realize that i'm perpetually bored in general. i accept responsibility for that. i should get my ass in gear to be more engaged or something. however, i'm fairly comfortable with a certain degree of boredom. today, though...oh, jesus. i was telling her how i was in the middle of a conversation with this guy and was not only bored with him and the conversation, but found myself bored with my own sentence. it was really fascinating. i probably would've been more interested in talking to shadow puppets or my grandmother.

i'm going home in two days and my head has already left this place behind. there are only three people who can actively hold my attention. one i love, one i adore, and one...well, i'm undecided, but he certainly amuses me. everyone else...good fucking luck. the bad thing is that i'm only moderately invested in this place on a good day. today, there was just no hope.

the only thing i find more interesting than literally being bored with the words coming out of my own mouth is when i fall asleep in the middle of a sentence. ever since i was a baby, my dad has always put me to sleep to classical music. now, it's this automatic Pavlovian response. my dad and i will be taking a roadtrip and he likes to listen to classical music when he drives. invariably, we'll be talking and the next thing i know it's three hours later.

come to think of it, maybe he does it to shut me up. i would get mad, but those naps are so damn refreshing.

punk rock name

i just did this lame quiz. although, the majority of the answers were really stupid the only one i liked was my punk rock name:

the bored monocle.

oh akon

there's a certain amount of symmetry in having Akon's "Locked Up" playing on my computer while some dudes are outside getting ready to stab each other over some trees.

...am i fucked up for being ok with it since they weren't near my car?

welts are fun!

often i have wondered why i don't have any friends. a few answers come to mind.

1. i don't really like people.
2. i don't go out even when invited. why? see #1
3. i suck at small talk
4. most people don't get my humor
5. most people can't follow the course or speed of my brain
6. i like being alone a lot
7. i lie a lot
8. believe it or not, but i'm actually pretty shy

my newest discovery: i'm allergic to people. i went out last night...with new people. yea, i was in rare form to say yes to that. i had a good time, though. well, as much fun as someone can have when their skin is on fire, itching like crazy, and being temporarily tatooed with welts.

let me tell you, i was damn sexy last night.

the shame of it all was that i just went shopping that afternoon and bought the cutest shirt. i was finally around new people, in my adorable new shirt, and my evening was thwarted by allergies. balls.

in investigating the root of the problem, i narrowed it down to three things:
1. perhaps there was some lotion or dye on the new clothes that didn't agree with me.
2. i'm allergic to something in the house (i broke out again during dinner tonight)
3. i'm allergic to fog.

you laugh, the last time i broke out like this it was foggy and damp out...of course that doesn't explain why i don't break out during every storm, but i'm working on that.

if only

i was watching the movie Taking Lives last night. how cool would it be if in the movie, with the star studded cast, if the perp starts to get away and the police are calling for back up if it went more like this:

"suspect is on foot heading toward the downtown festival. he's blonde, wearing a black raincoat, blue shirt, and a running shows. suspects look almost identical to Kiefer Sutherland."

there is only one movie i know of that did something like that. Oceans' 12. there's a scene where they guys are trying to get into this building but need a distraction. so, they have Tess (played by Julia Roberts) pretend to be Julia Roberts. there's this great scene where they're trying to coach her on the way she should walk and talk and basic information. it was very funny.

just once i'd love to see a romantic comedy where the girl first sees the guy and is telling her friends and they're squealing with delight. when they ask what he looks like she says:

"oh, well, he's tall, with dark hair. he has the most amazing eyes. my god, and that smile. he's just amazing. Oh, you know, he looks a lot like Johnny Depp...but not What's Eating Gilbert Grape or 21 Jumpstreet Johnny Depp. no, he's more like Pirates of the Caribbean Johnny, but bathed or From Hell Johnny, um, without the opium."

if only.

bobby and whitney

apparently bobby brown and whitney houston are getting their own reality tv show. yea, i mean, don't they have publicists? shouldn't their managers step in at some point? however, you can bet sweet money i'll watch a few episodes. although, i imagine it'll be a lot of empty shots of the livingroom what with bobby always in jail and whitney always in rehab.

anyway, i was watching VH1 last night and they were talking about it and they came up with two names for it that i thought were funny:

when crackheads attack
married...with charges

oh, how the mighty have fallen.

quote of the day

...well, really it was from last night.

" you gotta go to this bar. i try to get everyone i know to go there. it's totally me thrown up onto the walls."

- on the beauty bar

entertainments past

a few weeks ago, i went to see Maroon 5 in concert. it was pretty good. well, the concert itself was good. i like the band, don't love them, but i really like a lot of their songs. so, they, themselves, were good. although, the lead singers' voice started sounding like something out of Jim Henson's creature shop. his voice is a bit nasally, but i thought it was some sort of affect. nope. every song. but, really, that's minor. at the end of the show, the drummer came down and started singing and it was really cool. he did a really good version of "highway to hell." so, that was fun.

what made it less fun was two main things:

1: the people i went with either didn't dig them as much as me or didn't know them at all. so, after awhile, i began to feel a bit foolish for standing up and singing along. it's really no fun when the people you go with are sitting down the whole show. i don't get that. so, that was sort of lame. although, the girl i went with was really fun.

2: lots and lots of blonde, sorority girls. zionks! by the end of the concert, the place had erupted into song and you could barely hear the singer. and the screams, my god the screams. it was like having three girls standing on either side of you and screaming at the top of their lungs directly into your ear. as scary as sorority girls are, en masse, it was still cool to see people really into the music. i was sort of creeped out to know that i had something in common with them, but i mentally rectified that knowing i didn't know all of the words or the names of the boys in the band.

the last arena concert i went to was Dave Matthews and i love him. i also went with my friend, safia, who loves them too. so, it was good. we were out on the lawn, dancing around and singing. that was perfect. shameless fun and good music under a blanket of stars.

maybe it's the puritanical air they breathe up here. i don't know. i'm still holding my breath.

entirely too sober

i'm not nearly drunk enough to live here. i had one vodka sour tonight. yea, that's not even close. it took the whole drink just for the toothpaste taste to go away. so, the last few sip were good, i guess. i'm in serious need of black people. on the way to the bar, i was listening to the radio and they were broadcasting from some club and it sounded like so much fun. i realize that's what it's supposed to sound like, but i started imagining myself in a club dancing to the music.

i've also decided that people talk too much here. i'm a chatterbox, don't get me wrong, but it's not even fun conversations here. the guys are too busy measuring their musical dicks and the girls are too wrapped in the boys to have fun in their absence.

i found myself sitting there, not talking, thinking, " i have nothing i want to say to these people." nothing. i see the same people all of the time, that topics a scarce and my interest is almost non-existant.

i think that the greatest modern tragedy is that i don't have a boyfriend with boobs this big. it's literally a crying shame. granted i'm a bit difficult, but what happened to the boys who would forgive a great many infractions for long, full body contact hug? i was going to wear this really cute shirt i bought today, but told my friend, "girlfriends hate this shirt." she didn't quite understand what i was saying until she got there. in all fairness, the shirt was cut rather low, but it showed great boobage. the problem is that that kind of shirt with my size breast automatically send girls into a tailspin and brings out the claws. i just wanted to wear a cute shirt and have a good time. instead, i opted for another, more covered look, and still spent the evening with my fleece jacket zipped all the way up. it was less revealing, but still had a deep v-neck.

the point of all of this is that i need my girls. i need a world where the is no jukebox and certainly no Zeppelin on it. i need low lights, loud music, and rhythm. i need girls who drink like fish and aren't afraid to laugh outloud. i need my girls. i need fellow cleavage and ass. i need laughter. i need...something else.

H&R Bastards

"Let me tell you how it will be
There's one for you, nineteen for me
'Cause I'm the taxman, yeah, I'm the taxman."

fucking bastards. i think the initial shock has worn off and now i've moved into seething, burning rage.

i had an appointment with H&R Block today. i normally do my own taxes, but there's some sort of rent thing you can deduct and get more money back up here. i didn't know what it was or how to do it and neither did anyone i know. so, i figured, i'll go to H&R, pay them to do it for me this one time, see how it was done, and then file it for myself next time. the appointment was for 10am. i got there at 9:45am. anyone who knows me knows that that is not a common occurrance, but i figured that it was important. so, i went to the bank and withdrew $100 (b/c there was no way they were going to take their fee out of my return and then give me a check...ie. a loan...and get me caught up like that). i figured that it's better for everyone to just pay them today and be done with it. so, there i was, 10am, W-2 in hand, $100 in pocket, ready to go.

the woman called me over. i sat down and we got to filing. it took all of 15min. i'm not a complicated girl. she even used the EZ form. so, i'm all done and signing shit and then it happens. the fee. now, i knew it was H&R Block, so i was expecting pay a fairly hefty fee. however, the fee for this woman to EZ file my taxes that took all of 15 min was...(drumroll) $90. Je-sus Cristos! $90? i was prepared for $45...even $50....i was not prepared for $90. what a fucking scam. i think the only people who make more money in such a short amount of time are moguls and drug dealers. i didn't even get that much more back through them. fuckers. $90! as soon as she said it, i thought to myself, "bitch, did you see my annual income? does it look like i can afford $90?" wow. i think for about three hours all i could do was incredulously repeat "$90." then it turned into this Better Off Dead voice that kept yelling, "I want my $45 dollars. $45 doooollllllllaaaarrrrssss!!" Man! i was going to spend the remaining $45 on liquor. shit, so they sent me home broke and sober. bastards.

fucking H&R Block. what a rip off.

quotes of the day

the blood on my face is just your tangible love.
-VA

i just caught a giant whiff of...lame.
-#1

lie pie

i originally wrote this blog 4/1/05 while i was home in MO. i had to make a few adjustments, so is here my final version:

my oldest brother is getting married in May. he lives in st. louis, and she lives in Spain. yesterday he came by the house and was hanging out. he was talking to her and had her on speaker phone. she had asked him if he had sent out the wedding invitations. he said no and she got upset. i laughed and said, "no, the correct answer was to say 'yes' and mail them tomorrow." he laughed and she said, "Did you sister tell you that the correct answer was to lie to me?"

well, yes, because that is the right answer. i was talking to my older brother this morning and told him the story and he described it as this: "girls want a lie pie, with a truth crust." essentially, we want to be told lies, but have them wrapped in a layer of truth. i agreed. as much as we women claim to want to know EVERYTHING, the truth is that we don't. ideally, we want a man to tell us what we want to hear and then back it up. no woman, three weeks from her wedding, wants to know that her finace hasn't mailed out his invitations...especially someone in another country with no control over anything. it'd be different if she lived in the states and he didn't mail them. she could get mad, but mail them herself. no woman wants to hear that, though. really, we just want to be reassured. i mean, don't blatenly lie, ie."no, i don't know any debbie. i don't know how this lipstick got on my shirt." that kind of shit's unacceptable. but white lies for the sake of our state of mind is totally within a mans' right.

i'm a horrible person

i haven't decided whether i'm wrong for this or not.

tonight i had dinner with this guy that lives upstairs. some of my friends may remember him. initially he seemed very sweet and genuine, terribly handsome and polite. well, unfortunately, all was not as it seemed. he turned out to be quite the putz. anyway, tonight i saw him when i came home from work and we were talking for a bit outside. he's a nice guy, i just won't date him. he asked me out to dinner and i said yes.

i told my brother this tonight and he said, incredulously, "why?!" well, here's where i may be a little fucked up. here are the real reasons i said yes:
1. i was hungry
2. i really wanted a greatful dead
3. i knew he'd pay
4. i don't like to cook...i'm pretty decent at it, i just get sick of it
5. i don't have any groceries...i haven't been shopping in two weeks
6. i was about to resign myself to a cereal dinner
6. i just ran out of milk this morning

i know. i know. i'm such a horrible person. i realize that a woman using her feminine ways to get things is nothing new, but i always took a certain amount of pride in not being "that type of girl." i don't accept drinks from guys at bars. i generally don't like guys to pay for me, unless they are friends, my brother or dad. i just don't do that. i don't like the idea of financially leading a guy on. now, if i'm dating a guy, of course, he pays...however, i fully intend to show him my gratitude later on that night. i'm just not a taker. so, i felt sort of bad for going out with him tonight, knowing i had no intention of dating him. i even dodged, count them, three attempts by him to kiss me. he finally did the lift-my-chin-up thing and kissed me, but it was extremely brief.

i also feel sort of wrong because our waiter was really hot.

oh, man, i'm such an asshole.

on the other hand...the grateful deads were delicious.

dedication

it's not my willingness to stay out late that shows my dedication. it's my willingness to get up early.

worth it

it doesn't really matter what you've been through in the long run... the hurtful words... the cold shoulders...the icy glares. all of the adversity and emotional torture only makes you both stronger. if you survive, you are stronger than before. you know each other so completely...the amazing parts and the bullshit alike...and, if you're lucky, with full knowledge, you'll invite the other to stay.

my world has burst open and i'm standing on the edge with an all access pass in hand with full confidence. knowing where we've been, i know, without hesitation, that with him no harm will come to me. i know that i'm important to him. it comes down to making a decision and i have.

i love him more than he's hurt me.

romero

i have this friend, romero, who promised to check out my blog. i see him all of the time and everytime he gives me lame-ass excuses as to why he hasn't. he's been too tired. his computer's been fucking up. he had to work late. blah, blah blah. i told him that i was going to start writing occasional blogs about him to shame him publicly. he swears he cares about me and REALLY wants to read them, but he has, miraculously, found zero time. i find that hard to believe. i think he doesn't care. i think he has a low opinion of me. i think that deep down he hates me.

...actually, i think he loves me. i think he's a space cadet.i think he's overextended. i think that he gets so worked up over everything that his brain is in overload and out right forgets. i think...that's still unacceptable. i hold him to a higher standard than most people. primarily because i know him and, if the man loves nothing else, he loves a challenge and... well... i think that can be arranged.

romero, consider yourself on notice.

ah to be a girl

sometimes i like doing girly things. sometimes i feel compelled to do the things girls do. i'm not really a high maintenance girl. i don't spend hours in front of my mirror before getting the mail. i wear...well, anyone who has seen the way i dress knows that i'm most comfortable in my pajamas, but if that won't do, then...whatever is nearest to me and doesn't stink. i like getting dolled up sometimes and wearing makeup and shit. other times i don't comb my hair for three days.

occasionally i like to play around in girly things...perfumes, jewelry, things of that nature. maybe i'm trying to find my style. maybe i'm trying to accessorize, i don't know. recently i delved into the world of waxing. really, really, really fucking stupid. what makes it particularly dumb for me is that i have extremely sensitive skin. a lot of people think i wear baby lotion because it's cute or something. cuteness is a happy biproduct. i wear it because it's the only lotion i can use consistantly that doesn't break me out. so, why the fuck, knowing how sensitive my skin is, would i play around with harsh chemicals? because i'm a moron...and because i work in a place that sucks the femininity out of me with each passing moment. not that i don't like what i do and working around boys all day...it's just that it's not conducive to jewlery and manicured nails. so, maybe i was trying to feel girly. whatever. point it that i was dicking around gave myself a chemical burn. it is so fucking painful. i bought this Nair cream and found a stray hair on my chin and decided to slather all of this shit all over the place. it tingled, certainly, but i sucked it up. big mistake. now, i...i look a mess. it's so lame.

the bad thing is that i did this one other time. i was going to nyc one weekend and some time in the week before i decided to play around with those wax strips. that shit seriously should not be sold in stores. leave that stuff to the professionals. anyway, i'd seen my friend wax between the eyebrows and the corners of the mouth. so, i decided i would, too. i'm really not the school-girl-joiner type, but i was using her as my guide. the thing is that the wax didn't really have a lot of hair to hold on to, so it adhered to my skin. by the time i was done i looked him i'd been punched in the face and had a raging case of herpes. to make matters worse i had burned the shit out of myself with a pan. this was about a year ago, when i'd only been in my apartment for about a year and i was still reveling in the joys of living alone and nudity. so, i decided to do everything naked...even cook. so, i'm baking chicken and i pull the pan out of the oven. i lean in to smell it. the pan slips in my hand and lands on my chest. so, of course, it burned me and by the time the weekend and nyc came, i had this nasty, puffy burn line across my chest. that mixed in with the breakouts from the wax that looked like herpes did not endear me to the men. i remember my friends tried to help me out and gave my necklaces to cover up the scar...nothing worked. i looked tore up from the floor up. i think i still managed to makeout with this guy, though. so, i guess my overall cuteness compensated for my lapse in judgement. it also helped that i have big boobs and wore a low cut shirt...so, then there's that.

i've officially learned my lesson with waxes and will never use them again. i can't believe i was so dense...twice! i guess the only thing that would've pissed me off during this whole ordeal is if i had done it for a boy.

jack

there are just those people that you adore unabashedly. i was talking to another friend and we figured that everyone needs a cheerleader. i'm jacks'. he's a really cool guy and i just dig him. if you asked me why, i couldn't tell you. it's just who he is. it'd be like asking why classical music is so soothing. it just does something to you that creates this calm. that's jack. you could try to dissect it and talk about his charm or his humor. it's just not that simple. he's not that simple. it's his handsome face and his reclusive tendencies, alike, that make him. it's his creativity and his despondence that i dig. it's his shyness. it's his laugh. really...

..it's three phone calls in one day to let me know he's here. it's a quick 20 min. visit through the rain. it's going over to see him for no other reason then to have him wrap his arms around me, lay his head on my shoulder, and give each other the biggest hug known to man.

sirius radio

so, my mom gave me Sirius radio for my car. pretty fucking sweet. it works off of a satellite and a dead station. there's like 300 channels and no commericals and they cuss. so sweet. anyway, just when you think they couldn't endear themselves more to me they fuck around and play The Decemberists "16 Military Wives" off of their latest album. that's fucking dope. i can dig that shit.

2 things

just a couple of things before i go to work.

1. few things are better than when your family gets hold of your undergarments. apparently, i left my bra at the house. so, when i called to let my mom know i got home ok, i was not only heckled by my uncle who answered the phone, but i could hear the jeers from the back. excellent... as if i don't suffer enough humiliation. sometimes my family wears their lack of grace like a badge of honor. that's always fun.

2. it's been winter here so long that, when i went to open the window this morning to get a nice breeze, a very visible cloud of dust came rolling off of the ledge. yea, i'm ready for some warmth, sun and swimming. it certainly feels nice to breathe in fresh air, instead of this recycled air i've been breathing for the last 6 months.

that's all for now. i'm off to work. whee!!