yea, i get my american idol activity on.

pretty fly

for a white guy.

truer words have never been said. i burst out laughing when he said that. obviously, he was joking, but it's true. he's full of pleasant surprises... plus he massages my shoulders while he kisses me. i recognize that i'm in the bright eyed stage of this thing with him and there are a million things that can go wrong, but i just want to savor every second with him.

yesterday, he'd been up since 5am, spent 2 1/2 hours at the gym, went to work, and still came out to play pool with me at 8pm. when i got there he said he was tired and that he wasn't going to stay out too late. 11:30pm we're still playing darts and pool. 12am we're outside kissing goodnight. 12:30am he comes back inside with me. 1am we're kissing goodnight and head home. what's not to love? he was going to come home with me, but he just looked so damn tired. he probably would've gotten back to my place and fallen asleep as soon as he hit the bed. besides, he'd already put in his work by staying out with me until 1am. by then, he'd been up for 21 hours. i think he kinda likes me.

aside from him being very well-rounded and adorable, the thing i like most about him is how easy his spirit is. he's so damn chill. it's easy to act a fool and play around with him. i don't feel like i need to be... anything. i don't have to be witty or sexy or politically savvy. he plays pool while i watch American Idol. we got together when i was looking real average. i know that --since i didn't do anything but exist--that he simply likes me, so it's easy to be me.

i big heart this guy. i really hope this works out, because i wouldn't mind feeling this content for a long time.

any death is sad, but there are those that are just especially awful. i found out probably the second worse death yesterday.

the first happened to a friend of mine. her uncle hadn't been heard from in a few days and her mother went over to check on him. her mother found him dead --which is bad enough-- but the shock from it caused her mother to have a heart attack, i think. can you imagine? losing your uncle and your mother at the same time. ugh. that's just the worst thing i've ever heard.

the second worst happened to an old childhood friend of mine. she and i didn't stay in touch at all, so this isn't personally sad for me, it's sad for her mom. Yvonne Matthews didn't have any kids and had adopted Rachel and rasied her as her own. i don't remember how all of that happened, i know Yvonne wasn't married and it was just the two of them. we all went to the same church growing up and Yvonne works at the same university as my dad. anyway, dad told me last night that Rachel and her 3 yr old daughter had died in a car accident (the car hit them as they were crossing the street) somewhere in NC.

i feel so horrible for Yvonne. she lost her only child and grandchild at the same time. she went from having a whole family to being all alone...again. ugh. Rachel was only 24. that's just aweful. i think parents burying child is that worse thing. there's something unnatural about it. as a child, you sort of know that someday you'll have to bury your parents. sometimes the timing is unfair and a kid will lose their parent while they are really young, but most of the time the cycle runs its natrual course. i don't have any kids, but i can't imagine what special sort of hell it must be to raise and nurture a person and to have them taken away from you. all of that lost potential.

i've been thinking about it most of the day. it's amazing to me how insanely random life is. you have people who squander opportunities and personal relationships in equal measure, doesn't seem to realize what they have, and certainly doesn't respect any of it. then you have people would give anything to have half of what they have. it is what it is and each person lives their own life, but it's just hard to understand how unfair life is.

maybe all of that is what makes me try so hard in my personal relationships. i never want to take anyone for granted, because...and i hate to take it back to church, but...we aren't promised tomorrow, and, at the end of the day, i may not have a college degree yet and my job may suck, but i know i'm loved and everyone i love knows it.

i guess, to me, that's what it's all about.

computer love

god love technology.

i was napping and woke up to the phone ringing. i let the answering machine pick it up and heard a bunch of people on the phone chattering away. i picked it up and it was just about my whole family. my uncle darryl had called from his Skype account --a phone service that makes calls from your computer and can have up to 9 people on the phone at once. he had called the family for a cross-continental phone party. it was Aasim...and eventually Olga... in Spain, Atief in Chicago, me in MA, and mom, Benjamin, and him in St. Louis. we tried to call my sister in VA, but she wasn't there. it was really fun.

once we established that it was a bona fide party, i played DJ and started it out with some Flashlight. few things are cooler than your family singing "da-da-da-dee-da-da-da-da" from literally all over the world. it was really good talking to Sim. i haven't talked to him in a long time and he's going to Afghanistan for a couple of months in June. he's flying into STL next month and i'm going to go home to see him before he heads out. after that, i think i'm going to go back to Spain with him in August. i've been flirting with the idea of moving over there; maybe not forever, but at least for a little while. so, i'm partly going over to see him and travel with him, but i'm also going over to scope it out and see if i'd like it. if nothing else, i want to live there long enough to become fluent in spanish. it's all in the works, but i'm seriously thinking about it.

anyway, it was really fun being able to talk to my whole family. i really miss Aasim and that phone call really made my year.

you know, for as inauspiciously as this year started, it's turning out to be pretty fucking dope.

happy easter

luda-lu and RACS

hi-larious.


Ludacris Freestyle An ENTIRE Music Video - The most popular videos are a click away


RACS (Rappers Against Child Support) PSA - The most amazing home videos are here

equal opportunity dancer

wow. really? "GAY VOODOO LIMBO TANGO AND WANGO DANCE"? is that like the Wang Chung?

what i find really remarkable about this --aside from the egregious punctuation mistakes-- is that they kept responding. at no point did the recruiter think that this might go public? see, that's just ignorant on a whole other level.

good look

david is a good look for me.

i haven't blushed harder than i did tonight and cheesing with a shit eatin' grin on my face all the way home. this man...this beautiful, funny, sexy man is a good fucking look for ya girl.

this river is wild

i went hiking yesterday with david and had a great time. actually, we ended up spending most of the day together. he came to pick me up around noon and i didn't get home until 8 or so.

first we went to...oh who the hell knows where we were? only the gods and he know. anyway, we we hiking for about two hours. we ended up on the rocky cliff that we sat and talked and admired the scenary on. that place would be amazing during the fall. you could see everything. for as much as i tend to hate living here, the one thing i've never been able to deny is that it is beautiful. it's just the people that ruin it.

anyway, we hiked back to his car and drove into Shelbourne Falls for lunch. strangely, nothing was open. there we were, 3pm on a saturday afternoon, with nothing open to eat. we walked around for a bit and he took me down to see the falls. i can't remember what it was called, but it had something to do with salmons. i think he said it was a place where the Native Americans used to catch fish. anyway, it was this rushing fall and beautiful. there were all of these rocks that created mini waterfalls all over the place. there were a couple of pockets that i could see spending the better part of a summer day in. anyway, so, he asked me if i wanted to go down and i said yes; being the waterbaby that i am, how could i refuse?

we climbed down the side and made it onto the rocks. i'm standing there and really just want to touch the water. i took off my socks and shoes and started to climb down the rocks. by the way, rocks are really slippery when wet. i'm edging my way down and slipped on the rocks and completely fell in the water. i had mentioned to him earlier that i was really clumsy. you'd think, knowing this about myself, that i'd stay clear of situations like that, but, luckily, at this point i lack shame when i fall. i'm going to fall at some point, so i might as well have some fun. david jumps down and pulls me out and i'm just laughing, because all i could think was, "typical." i actually didn't realize how wet i was until i stood up. i thought my foot just went in and part of my leg with it. nope. my whole back side-- up to the top part of jeans--was soaked. not just wet. i was dripping all over the place.

we laughed and went back to his car. good thing i had just done laundry when he came to get me, so my clothes were in the back of his car. he took his gym towel and put it in the front seat for me.

we drove to get some food and were going to go to Springfield to this BBQ place, but he remembered there was a place in Hatfield that was a converted church. it was called Holy Smokes. the tag line was, "the answer to your BBQ prayers." it was adorable. i laughed as we walked in saying that it'd been years since i'd been to church. the inside was totally awesome. the seat were pews, complete with the red cushions. the menus were "Amenu" and there were flying pigs all over the place. it was really cool eating pretty delicious BBQ by the light of a stained glass window. such a sweet place. they had homemade lemonade that was just right. we both ended up having the "Turf and Turf" which was ribs and beef brisket with mac and cheese and cole slaw. the cole slaw was off the chains. the mac and cheese was pretty good. what was really good was their jumbalya. man, de-lish.

i was going to change when i got to the Holy Smokes, but by that time capillary action had transfered most of the wet from my jeans to the towel.

he had to meet his friend to look at a place in Holyoke, but we had time. so, we stopped off to get some ice cream and hit some balls at the driving range. i've never played golf before and completely wasted his money, because i sucked. i don't think golf was meant for girls with my...attributes. it was fun watching him, though. the best part was hearing the swooshing sound of a good swing. he said it was the most addictive sound, and i believe him. i told him he'd get along with Glenn and Jason, who are both golf nuts.

after that, we checked out his potential apartment with Carlos and then he took me home. he helped me carry my laundry in, we kissed goodnight, and he left.

it was, easily, the best day i've had since i've been here. it was really adorable, because as soon i got in, i put my stuff down and called Andrea. not 5 min. after he left, he called me to thank me for the day and that he had a really good time with me. nice. so, we're going to get together Tues.-- since i always go to the Watering Hole to watch American Idol with his sister-- and we'll play pool or something.

this guy's a good look. and i've already made an ass out of myself, so there's not much else to see. come to think of it, he also saw me fall in the snow, when i was helping to dig him out --which is how we first met. i really am a klutz. fingers crossed with this guy. so far, he's a good look. he talks a lot and reminds me a bit of dad in his almost manic need to do things, but he definitely keeps it interesting. plus he likes to do a lot of outdoors stuff, so he's perfect for me and wanting to get out and exercise.

like i said, fingers crossed.