lost boys

i just got in from a midnight showing of Lost Boys and had the best time. admittedly, i had to take a nap to be alert for a movie that started at midnight, but it was cool. i haven't seen that movie in forever. i actually can't remember the last time i saw it. so, i was surprised that i remembered parts of it. when i was getting ready, i was in the shower and all that kept running through my head was the main song that goes, "Thou shalt not kill." yea, excellent. i forgot how much i liked that movie. the funny thing is that i don't like the movie for the same reason most girls my age like it, a.k.a. The Coreys. nope, i always liked the movie because of the dog's name. i know. i'm a weird girl. i just really like the name Nanook. oh, and Jami Gertz's hair. there, i said it.

let this be a lesson to me: always nap before a midnight movie.

the last one i went to and didn't nap was The Princess Bride. i lurve that movie. i slept through that movie. the shameful thing is that i know it so well that i kept waking up at the parts i liked. my first time seeing it on the big screen and i was being Nana.

Fee Fee

i was talking to Andrea tonight and she was telling me that her niece's dad's new girlfriend's name is Fee Fee. she laughed and said she couldn't take it seriously once she found out what a Fee Fee was. she asked me if i knew and i said no.

then she said, " i had heard from some prison inmates what a Fee Fee was."

that shit had me laughing so hard she made me drool on myself. no good can come from any story that starts like that. like tah hear it? here goes...ah ha-a-a...thank you very much!

ingredients:

zip lock bag or commissary bag
toilet paper roll or two
old sock
lotion

directions:
1. put the two toilet paper rolls together...unless you're white, then you just need one

2. put the plastic bag inside toilet paper roll

3. put the sock on the outside to create some warmth

4. put some lotion on the inside

tah-dah! you've got yourself a Fee Fee.


"ooh, simulation bah-gina."

if pranking is wrong, i don't want to be right

Massandje missed my birthday, two weeks ago, and has yet to call me. this, surprisingly, didn't bother me all that much. it would've been nice, but it's not like she hasn't been incog-negro for a hot minute anyway.

yesterday, Cuz called me and wanted me to come down and hang out. it's only an hour away, but i wasn't really feeling the drive. i also wasn't feeling sitting at home, bored. so, i was on the fence. then i found out that Massandje was coming up from the NYC, yo, to watch Saacie's team play in the soccer finals. my first reaction to news that she was resurfacing was that i had to come down and bum rush her. go up and be like, "yo! how you doin'...Ma-SSAWN-dje." i had to give her a hard time. luckily for me, i decided the day before that i wanted a birthday cake...even if i had to make it myself. i had just made this cake that was partially eaten. so, i worked up a plan.

before i left, i made sure that my hair was done up in a cute style and i was decked out in jewelry. i packed my bridesmaid's dress from last year, some heels, a coat, and the cake. the plan was to be the stood up birthday girl left alone to pick at her cake. i told Cuz what i was doing and we worked it out.

i got dressed and ready and then Cuz and i went out to the liquor store. when we got back, Massandje was there. so, Cuz walked in and went directly to the backyard and unlocked the gate to let me in. i snuck up on the porch and sat in the furthest chair in the corner. i sat there in my red satin dress with my coat on --nothing represents "party done" like someone sitting outside in their dress and coat or it could've represented my cold fury, either way-- holding my cake on my lap. Cuz lit some candles so you could see me, but not too well.

once we were all set, Cuz called Massandje out to the porch, in the way that she didn't want to argue in front of Isaac. so, Massandje comes out and i started singing, "happy birthday to me," in this dejected, choked up voice. the best part is that i was cracking myself up, but didn't want to laugh, so i was holding it in, but it was so funny that i started crying...which only helped. so, there i am, all decked out and cute, picking my chocolate birthday cake, crying, singing pathetically in the corner of a darkened porch.

it was hysterical.

the best part was that Massandje didn't realize that they were tears of laughter and really thought i was crying. then she starts laughing and comes over to me to give me a hug. not breaking character, i slap her hand away and --shamelessly--start screaming at her not to touch me. this gets Cuz busting out laughing. i'm yelling so loud that you can hear it echoing in the neighborhood. i yell that she doesn't care and wasn't there for me, all the while crying. it was a thing of beauty. especially my "Goofy-falling-off-a-cliff" wail i do.

oh, Christ it was funny. Lord-a mercy.